Thursday, July 26, 2012

I WAS RIGHT!!! (Snob factor for this post: 9/10)

That's it, world, I'm quitting my life and becoming a detective. Here's why:

Last night at 10:30, knowing I had to work at 8 the next morning, I sidled into my room, brushed my teeth, did the pre-bed routine, and fully intended to be asleep by 11. Then I said, "Why, I should pick up Amaranthine for a minute or two so that I can finish it sometime this year." And then I did what has become my typical recourse for wholly terrible books: I skimmed. I couldn't handle the melodrama and senselessness anymore. After skimming a bit, I realized something very important: the big "twist" everyone is talking about, it's close. So close I can taste it. Because this is a poorly written novel and I can sense the author's plot techniques from a mile away. So I kept reading, skimming when necessary, until 1:30 rolled around and I had 9% left, and I decided it was time to go to sleep or perish the next day at work. And you know what? I WAS RIGHT. Remember my predictions from a few posts ago? I was 95% spot on. All I missed were a couple insignificant details that contribute to the pointlessness and incredulity of this story. Now, keep in mind, there is still 9% left. Things might change. I may stumble upon a literary minefield of genius just waiting to blast my smug self to astonished smithereens. But I doubt that. Actually, what I anticipate is a Beauty and the Beast ending, but that's more of a hunch than a researched hypothesis. If I'm wrong, don't let it cloud your admiration of my earlier accomplishment. Truthfully, I expect the ending to be somewhat like the rapids on the Provo River: promising enough, but actually so insignificant you don't realize it's happened until it's over. Also, I don't believe their love story.

So, once again, dear literary community at large, a plea: stop posting spoiler reviews and start writing better books.

1 comment:

  1. Wait, so she is in a limbo state? And does she go for Orion or Damien and is one of them trying to take her soul? You should just tell me the ending. I don't care about spoilers. You can facebook message me it.